love is real because my friends exist
on valentine's day and rethinking the way I view love
I have fallen in love in more ways than you can imagine. I have felt the warmth you feel when you see people you care for, grateful they are a part of your life and excited for what is to come. I have gone out to weekend dinners and ended the night on a complete high, the adrenaline rush that floods you when you just click with someone — maybe you knew each other on another timeline, somewhere, somehow. I have experienced the butterflies you feel when you are excited to be around someone, hoping you can know them for years to come. There is a love that consumes me but it is not the one that you think, a love that is overlooked in movies and literature and in the modern world.
I have fallen in love with friendship, the afternoon brunches spent laughing about anything and everything. I have fallen in love with the light conversations and the hours I can spend forgetting about the world around me, like time doesn't exist anymore. I have fallen in love with the inside jokes and the shopping dates and the music concerts with people I feel completely at ease with — moments that I will remember forever. I enjoy the rush of meeting new people, the mundane small talk that eventually leads to something bigger.
Love is real because my friends exist.
On the 14th of February, the world places romantic love on a pedestal. There are pink cards with red hearts on them, plastered with sweet nothings. Everybody seems to be buying chocolate covered strawberries and restaurants are fully booked — a day filled with grandeur and anticipation. It is a day that I have glossed over for the most part, barely acknowledged in my yearly calendar because I have not yet met somebody I want to buy a cliché card for. I mean, have you seen the dating pool these days? But I have decided to celebrate it this year for one reason and one reason only.
The friends I have met in the last year have changed my life. I am surrounded by people who genuinely love and care and respect me, who I can go on spontaneous movie trips with and text if I am ever having a questionable day. They are funny and warm and kind and it is a travesty if I do not celebrate it. We are conditioned to believe that romantic love is the most important facet of our being, that it is the ultimate form of fulfilment — the only way that someone can truly know you. But I feel seen and heard and appreciated by my friends and they have proved to me time and time again that they care about me. Who would I be if I just ignored that? If I only focused on romantic affection?
I have been invited to dinner by one of my really good friends next week. She is the most welcoming person I know, always asking me to events and bringing me keepsakes from when she is abroad. I have met so many people like this in the past year — sweet and attentive and always making an effort. We will probably spend the entire evening playing board games, hours that will move quickly because time always moves quickly when I am with my friends. I have spent far too long under-appreciating the people who truly make my life magical, and that’s all going to stop now.
My friends make me feel like love is possible for me. They make me feel like love is real and alive and flourishing. They see me for who I am, tell me that I am funny and interesting and intelligent, always uplifting me in times of need. They tell me that I am pretty but that it’s the least important thing about me, that I am so much more than my appearance — they know the right things to say and the 14th of February will always be dedicated to them. First and foremost.
Love exists in so many different forms. I know I say it a lot on my Substack, but it’s a message I really want to convey. You are loved in a multitude of ways, there are so many people who care about you and appreciate you. Sometimes it exists in the smallest acts — I bought a book the other day and the cashier gave me a complimentary key ring, one that matches the book completely. These sorts of moments matter. Look for them in your everyday life when you feel like you are invisible to the world.
You are part of something bigger — love is, and has been, all around you.
Zahra <3